Leno: More David Wu Jokes

JAY LENO: There is a new tiger on the endangered species list. Take a look.



There you go. That is a United States congressman.

Fifty-six-year-old Oregon Congressman David Wu now coming under fire for allegedly making unwanted advances towards a teenage girl. Is that why he's dressed like a tiger? How young are these girls? Where's he picking 'em up? Chuck E. Cheese? What is that? How creepy is that?

Well, now Congressman Wu is being forced to resign. So the moral of this story: Never try to 'Wu' a much younger woman. OK?

These congressmen are out of control. You know, he didn't want to resign. He was fighting it, but after what he did last night, I'm sure you saw it. Well, maybe you missed it. Here take a look.



It's got to stop.

Leno: David Wu Jokes

UPDATE: More David Wu jokes
________________________

JAY LENO: Well, folks, here we go again. This is so stupid. It seems 56-year-old Oregon Congressman David Wu... remember him? He's the congressman who sent staffers pictures of himself dressed as a tiger? Here's his picture. Look at this.



There he is. He's a congressman.

Well, he's now been accused of making inappropriate sexual advances to the teenage daughter of a friend. Teenager. What is it with these Democrats? If it's not Weiner's wiener, it's Wu's wang. What is going on?

There were signs with this guy. Did you see his campaign slogan? "Wu's your daddy." Right there we should have known.

Bristol Palin and Jay Leno (Video)

Bristol Palin was Jay Leno's guest on Thursday's Tonight Show. She was promoting her book, Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far.

Don Rickles was also on the show. He was the first guest and remained during Bristol Palin's segment.

While Leno interviewed Bristol, Rickles was interjecting his comedy/commentary here and there.

The camera frequently caught Rickles mugging and rolling his eyes.

Sometimes, he was mocking Leno. At other times, he was reacting to Bristol.

Here's video:

Part 1: Bristol Palin talks about her new chin and her mom, Sarah Palin, running for President.

Part 2:Bristol Palin talks about new reality show and living with two guys.

It's funny how Palin haters responded to the interview on Twitter. They expressed their pleasure at Bristol being ridiculed by Rickles, as well as voicing their own insults.

Watching the segment, I found Rickles to be relatively restrained. He made fun of Leno's stupid questions. It's not as if he were on a mission to attack her.

In general, Leno treated Bristol with respect, and Rickles was being Rickles.

There was no real cruelty.

Nothing like the sort of stuff that David Letterman does.

David Feherty and Jay Leno

David Feherty of the Golf Channel talks with Jay Leno about Charles Barkley's swing.



Whenever I see Barkley golfing, I can't believe it.

I give Barkley credit for not quitting golf in spite of that horrible swing. His determination is admirable.

Leno: Weiner Jokes, June 16

JAY LENO: Some good news: We will not be getting anymore junk mail from Congressman Anthony Weiner. Anthony Weiner announced today he is stepping down. I guess he finally realized he couldn't stick it out any longer.

So if you live in New York now, you're only left with one disgraced congressman representing you - Charles Rangel. So you only have the one disgraced guy.

Well, you know, he had to step down. You know, he sent those naked pictures of himself. And there were clues, there were clues. I think in his home life, too. Did you seen him when he stepped down today he was talking about his parents? Here, take a look.



It all starts at home.

The good news is they already found a replacement for Anthony Weiner. The bad news: It's Brett Favre. It doesn't stop!

Well, a new poll showed that 70 percent of Americans have an unfavorable view, unfavorable view of Anthony Weiner. To which Weiner said, 'Really? How about this view? Or this one?' A number of views.

Well, the evidence just kept mounting against him. It was unbelievable. You probably heard of this. A former porn star, an actress who exchanged e-mails with Weiner, held a press conference with her lawyer, Gloria Allred. Did you see this yesterday? And the porn star said that Weiner often steered the conversation toward sex.

You know, I don't want to defend the Congressman, but SHE'S A PORN STAR! What are you going to talk about? The debt ceiling? Hello? Maybe get a three way with Jenna Jameson on the crisis in Libya. Can we do that possibly?

And did you see this? Gloria Allred... she was reading Weiner's sex messages out loud. And, you know, typical lawyer, now she's trying to make a buck on it. Look at this:



Anyway, Anthony Weiner still has to send in an official letter of resignation. In fact, he asked today, 'Can I text the letter?' They said, 'No, no, just regular is fine.'

And to make matters worse, new photos surfaced this week showing Anthony Weiner in a bra and pantyhose. Did you hear about his? Apparently, these cross-dressing photos were taken back in college.

You know, if we could put him in a French maid outfit and hook him up with Arnold Schwarzenegger, it would be the greatest joke day in the history of America.

Delta Airlines Military Baggage

Delta Airlines is trying to work its way out of a PR disaster.

The company saw heavy criticism on Wednesday when it charged 34 soldiers returning from Afghanistan as much as $2,800 in baggage fees. Delta changed the policy a day later following public outrage sparked by a video posted on YouTube by two of the soldiers.

Delta released a statement on Thursday publicly apologizing for any miscommunication regarding its policies and for any inconveniences it may have caused. After reviewing the situation, the airline decided it would allow troops to check four bags for free instead of three.

Here's a Delta commercial that sums up the situation, via the Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

Leno: Weiner Jokes, June 10

DEMOCRAT Anthony Weiner is getting no mercy from late night comedians.

This is the fifth night of a Weiner dominated monologue from Jay Leno.

JAY LENO: A company called 'iTouchless' has come out with a kitchen trash can that opens automatically when it senses you approaching. It opens by itself when you come near it. Congressman Anthony Weiner has a pair of pants using the same technology.

I've never done this, but this whole taking a picture of your crotch thing, you know -- I mean when you're taking a picture of your penis, before you press the button on the camera, do you still say 'Cheese'?

Well, as you know, Congressman Weiner said it's only been six women over the past few years. But you know, this is not new. These problems go way back. We were able to obtain some footage of Congressman Weiner when he was back in high school. Now this is disturbing. I apologize for the quality, but here, take a look.

(Clip from 'Saved by the Bell' dubbed with 'Weiner')



But Weiner said today again he is not resigning. And if there's one thing we about this guy he knows how to stand firm. So, he is not resigning.

There's a million of these jokes. We could do them all day.

In fact, his new campaign slogan: 'Hey, as seen on Twitter. Yeah, come on, vote for me.'

It was also announced this week, he's going to be a father. Let's just hope he doesn't name the kid 'Seymour.' That's the worst name you could possibly come up with. But enough about that.

Anyway, the show Extra gave an exclusive look of the inside of Anthony Weiner's condominium in New York City. And you could tell there were problems in the house. Here's the story.

(Clip Weiner's condo and his cat posing in revealing positions, cat also known for posting provocative pictures on Twitter)



These animals copy us.

Leno: More Weiner Jokes

DEMOCRAT Anthony Weiner is still starring in Jay Leno's monologue.

Brett Favre, Eliot Spitzer, and Bill Clinton are also playing roles.

Jokes from Thursday's Tonight Show:

JAY LENO: It was so hot in Washington, everyone was sitting around in their underwear like Congressman Weiner. He finally felt at home.

Oh man, that story! Oh, please! This is the story that just won't go away. It gets worse and worse. You've probably seen this. It now seems there's a picture going around the Internet of Congressman Weiner's naked penis. And you can tell it's him because it looks just like him, you know? You know, if he was bald. I mean, you can see the resemblance.

Let me tell you how graphic this picture is. Even Brett Favre won't return his calls now. That's how bad... it's terrible.

You know, I mean, I don't understand taking... how many photos of his crotch did he take? You know, I don't have any photos of my crotch. I mean, I've got a couple of oil paintings, some sketches, sure, a couple of charcoals, but I mean, you know, I don't, really... No, it's awful.

See, I don't understand the way Washington works. Now explain this to me: We are not allowed to see bin Laden's death photo because it's too explicit; but our Congressman's penis, that's fine.

Well, the latest news is that Congressman Weiner's wife is pregnant. I'll tell you how creepy this is: When his wife first called to tell him she was pregnant, he said, 'Uh, who is this?'

Well, you know who married Weiner and his wife? Bill Clinton. In fact, Weiner called Bill Clinton and apologized. See that's when you know you have a problem, OK, when your sexual behavior has offended Bill Clinton. That's where you just go, 'OK, time to draw the line.'

Well, more and more people are now calling for Anthony Weiner to resign. But it's not all bad news. Eliot Spitzer said if Weiner does resign, he can join him on his show and they'll call it 'Weiner Spitzer.'

How many people feel he should resign?

(Audience applauds)

How many people feel he's doing a good job and this has nothing to do with his job?

(Little audience applause)

Interesting, interesting.

Now, as I said, Weiner is adamant now about not resigning. In fact, CNN caught up with him today on the streets and they talked to him. Here, take... here's the interview:

(Clip of actual CNN video, followed by video with CNN audio)



I don't want to see that member of Congress, OK? Thank you.

Leno: More Anthony Weiner Jokes

It's Day Three of Anthony Weiner jokes on the Tonight Show.

JAY LENO: Well, yesterday, President Obama welcomed German Chancellor Angela Merkel to the White House. One embarrassing moment when Merkel got a phone call from a certain New York congressman, asked if she'd like to see his Wiener Schnitzel. That was really bad.

This is not good folks. Congressman Weiner has admitted he did carry on an explicit online relationship with six different women. Well, he thought they were women. Turns out three were women, one was a guy pretending to be a woman, and the other two were other congressmen. He had no idea. They were talking to each other.

Now it turns out one of the women that Weiner was sexting with is a porn star, a porn star. I mean, how bad... one minute, you're a respected member of Congress, the next minute you're competing for skanks with Charlie Sheen. What is that? What is that? Horrible.

And you know, you say to yourself, people wonder why did he engage in such reckless behavior. You know, if you want people to check out your crotch, go to the airport and go through security like everybody else.

And of course, Weiner now desperately trying to make things better with his wife. And you know, you can tell he's sorry. Like today, he sent her a picture of his penis with a little sad face on it.

Leno: Anthony Weiner Jokes

UPDATE: Anthony Weiner jokes from Wednesday's Tonight Show.
_________________

From Tuesday's Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

JAY LENO: According to TMZ, the day after First Lady Michelle Obama unveiled the new USDA guide to healthy eating, President Obama was spotted in Ohio eating two chili dogs... That's two politicians this week getting in trouble for their wieners.

What a story this is! Yesterday, Congressman Anthony Weiner, now known of course as the 'peter tweeter,' that's who he is now. Well, he held a big press conference at a hotel in New York City where he admitted to everything. Did you see him standing in front of that microphone? I think it was a microphone.

See, this is why Twitter exists. Members of Congress can now send you pictures of their penises electronically. Remember the old days with Sen. Larry Craig? You had to get in your car, drive to the airport, find the airport bathroom, try to figure out which stall he's in, knock on the door. Now they send it right to your house. It's fantastic!

Well, you know this was gonna happen. A second woman has come forward now, and she says she has over 200 explicit sex text messages from the married congressman. She says they're very short messages, you know, like cocktail wieners. They're the smaller...

Anyway, yesterday, Weiner said he wanted to apologize to his constituents, especially the really hot ones. He feels bad about that. But he said there were six girls in three years, but he never had sex with any of them. Six girls, three years, and no sex -- Do you know what I call that? High school. OK? That was high school. That was high school for me.

And his wife, I guess his beautiful wife, Huma, she's a beautiful woman, if you've seen her. She is an aide for Hillary Clinton. And I guess Hillary called Huma to console her, while Anthony Weiner got a call from Bill going, 'Yeah!!!'

_________________

Weiner jokes from Monday's Tonight Show here.

Katie Couric and Jay Leno (Video)

Katie Couric was on Monday's Tonight Show.

Both Couric and Jay Leno had loads of fun bashing Sarah Palin and Donald Trump.

Couric said that Trump was "acting like a jackass for a while."

From Politico:

“Because I live in New York and I’ve seen Donald at various events, he actually can be a very nice person with a good heart, but I think he was just acting like a jackass for a while,” said Couric. “It’s as if he was abducted by aliens temporarily. He was just acting so strangely,” she added.

Banter about Trump was bookended with talk of Sarah Palin and Couric’s famous 2008 interview with her. Has the anchor talked to Palin since the interview, Leno wanted to know. Couric’s answer was a firm “no.”

Later in the show, after saying she was still on the fence about Palin’s presidential aspirations, Couric joked to Leno, “Maybe a Palin/Trump ticket? What do you think about that? That would keep people interested.” “We could call it hair head vs. airhead,” Leno offered up.

Here's video:

Leno: Weiner Jokes

UPDATE: Anthony Weiner jokes from Friday's Tonight Show.
__________________

UPDATE: Anthony Weiner jokes from Thursday's Tonight Show.
__________________

UPDATE: Anthony Weiner jokes from Wednesday's Tonight Show.
__________________

UPDATE: More Weiner jokes from Leno.
__________________

Someone alert Jay Leno to the fact that Anthony Weiner is a DEMOCRAT.

From Leno's Monday monologue:

JAY LENO: Congressman Anthony Weiner finally spoke to the news media today. Apparently, he wanted to wait till his pants came back from the dry cleaners.

Well, to give him credit, he took full responsibility. He says, yes, that was his penis. He did send those photos.

(Audience boos)

Finally, a man taking responsibility for his own penis!

(Leno applauds)

There you go, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.

I mean, with all this new media, is that considered junk e-mail or is it e-mail of your junk? There are so many terms.

I love the way... we have the economy, we have the war, but let's face it, we're all in 9th grade really.

And I love the way the media reports the story. They say this whole thing started when a lewd photo of a man's crotch was sent to one of Congressman Weiner's Twitter followers. Do they even have to say 'lewd.' I mean, are there tasteful photos of men's crotches?

I mean, it shows you how the political race has changed. Remember, it wasn't that long ago when candidates would ask each other, 'Where's the beef?' You can't ask that now.

And I love this. And the chairman of the New York Republican Party, Ed Cox, said that he will use these pictures to help defeat Anthony Weiner. So, now we have Cox versus Weiner. You know, it doesn't stop. It doesn't stop. It's awful. It's awful.

I don't think Congressman Weiner learned his lesson. Did you see him leaving the press conference? Look at the car he drives. Look, here he is leaving. Look at that. You see? Right there, right there. Dead giveaway.

Leno gets credit for beginning his monologue with this string of jokes related to Anthony Weiner.

However, not once did Leno mention that Weiner is a DEMOCRAT. Not once. Considering Leno is quick to mention the party affiliation of Republican politicians caught up in scandal, I don't believe the failure to mention that Weiner is a DEMOCRAT was unintentional.

Also, much of the material wasn't directed at Weiner and what he did. Leno took a number of general shots at the media, the public, and politics rather than being rough on Weiner's specific wrongdoing.

Furthermore, directly after the Weiner jokes, Leno launched into a lengthy series of Sarah Palin jokes, followed by jokes attacking FOX News.

More of the monologue was devoted to bashing Palin and FOX than Weiner.

When Leno's guest, Katie Couric, made her appearance, she did her usual slew of Sarah Palin insults. That gave Leno the opportunity to mock Palin again.

Even when there is a major scandal involving a DEMOCRAT with major developments in the story occurring that day, and it lends itself to comedy, Hollywood and media Leftists prefer to focus their attacks on conservatives.

Go figure.

Mike Huckabee and Jay Leno (Video)

Mike Huckabee was Jay Leno's guest on Thursday's Tonight Show.

I'm glad he's not running for president.

Watch the complete interview.

Here's video:

Part 1



Part 2

Leno: Don Gorske, Big Macs

JAY LENO: Here's one of those 'only in America' stories: A man in Wisconsin recently finished his 25,000th Big Mac.

The guy's documented 'em all. He's got all the receipts - 25,000 Big Macs. He's eaten two Big Macs every day for the past 39 years. Psychiatrists say the man may have a McDeath Wish.

Wanda Sykes: Trump Racist (Video)

Wanda Sykes was Jay Leno's guest on Thursday's Tonight Show.

When discussing the controversy over Obama's birth certificate, Sykes attacked Donald Trump, accusing him of being racist. She also mocked Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul.

Video.



Transcript

JAY LENO: You mentioned Trump. What do you make of all this nonsense over the birth certificate? It's hilarious.

WANDA SYKES: It's hilarious, and it's ridiculous. Like, what? Really? I'm sorry, I think the whole... I'm really disappointed in him because you would think that he would know better but it's, it all just drips with racism. You know? Because how many presidents or any politician has had their nationality questioned like this?

It's like, 'How did we get this black president? He must be from somewhere else. Where's he from?'

You know? And it's like, well, if you say it's racist, they go, 'No, no, no. It's not racist. His father's Kenyan.'

Yeah, but he was born here. He was born here. Hawaii is a state, you know.

...And then you have, you know, then they say, 'Well, he has a funny name.' You know? Barack Obama. There's been white guys with funny names. Newt Gingrich. What the hell is a Newt Gingrich? Oh, no, that's acceptable. Where was Newt Gingrich born? Atlantis? What the hell?

Ron Paul. Ron Paul what? You got two first names. Ron Paul what? What are you hiding, Ron Paul? What are you - Ron Paul Hitler? What's your name? What's your name? Really?

LENO: Have you watched Celebrity Apprentice? Do you watch any of those shows?

SYKES: And that's another thing, because this was the first season of Celebrity Apprentice that I was watching and enjoying, and then Trump just went all stupid. So I can't look at his dumb face. I can't watch. So I stopped watching the show. He ruins everything.

White House Gives Kids Eggs and Debt

Here's how the "Headlines" segment began on Monday's Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

White House Gives Eggs to Children, Huge Debt to Grandchildren

That's more sad than funny.

Hope and change?

A better slogan for Obama would be "Screwing America's Future Generations."

Obama: Anonymous

So Obama wants to be anonymous.

He misses being a nobody.

The president said he loves his life in the White House but doesn't enjoy some of the ways of Washington, such as the "kabuki dance" among political partisans before serious policy discussions begin. He also regrets his loss of personal privacy.

"I just miss - I miss being anonymous," he said at the meeting in the White House. "I miss Saturday morning, rolling out of bed, not shaving, getting into my car with my girls, driving to the supermarket, squeezing the fruit, getting my car washed, taking walks. I can't take a walk."

He says he enjoys golf but is not the fanatic that some have portrayed.

"It's the only excuse I have to get outside for four hours at a stretch," he said.

His impossible dream: "I just want to go through Central Park (in New York) and watch folks passing by ... spend the day watching people. I miss that."

That's why he golfs so much. It's the only way he can get outside.

What a crock!

If it makes Obama feel any better, he should know that at least half the country wishes he still had his anonymity and spent his Saturday "squeezing the fruit."

JAY LENO: President Obama said in an interview over the weekend he misses being anonymous. He said, 'I miss Saturday morning, rolling out of bed, not shaving, going to the market.'

Hey, be careful what you wish for. 2012 is just around the corner.

Fareed Zakaria and Jay Leno

Jay Leno continues to bombard his audience with political drivel from Leftists.

The latest Leftist to appear on the Tonight Show was Fareed Zakaria.

Naturally, Zakaria carried water for Obama. He kept yapping about Libya and the "smart diplomacy" of the Obama administration.

Yes, it's been absolutely brilliant.

Right.

As usual, Leno didn't challenge the Leftist Zakaria at all.

Leno really has changed. Since his prime time fiasco, he doesn't hesitate to reveal his personal political leanings.

He rarely books conservatives on the show, so any political discussion is incredibly slanted and annoying. There's no balance. Leno rarely plays devil's advocate. It's a liberal echo chamber.

Here's video, followed by some interview transcript:

Fareed Zakaria, Part 1

Fareed Zakaria, Part 2

Transcript

JAY LENO: What is Obama's weakness?

FAREED ZAKARIA: I think Obama's weakness is he's a very smart guy but he's very cool, which is good. You're calm, you're collected, but there's almost too much cool. There's an unsentimental...

LENO: Unemotional.

ZAKARIA: Yeah, you think about the problem of Americans who are unemployed. You talk about 20 million, maybe 25 million Americans -- I think if there was some way that he could connect with them. I think they understand he can't wave a magic wand and do something about it, but he needs to in some way give voice to their feeling of hopelessness and frustration. He's not as good at that as he is at the pure analysis.

Oh, good grief.

That's all Zakaria could up with when it comes to Obama's weakness?

Obama's weakness is a lesser strength?

What a hack!

When Leno brought up the 2012 election and the Republican nominee, Zakaria stressed the Tea Party's influence, suggesting extremism. That's right out of the Dems' talking points and Chuck Schumer's big mouth.

ZAKARIA: The party has changed a lot. This is not Ronald Reagan's party. This is not Richard Nixon's party. This is a party animated by the Tea Party, by populism, by all these new forces. And so I think it's much less going to play by the old rules. And so when people look at a Sarah Palin and say, 'Well, she can't get it,' she energizes that base like nobody else does.

Then Leno set up Zakaria to take some shots at Glenn Beck.

LENO: Let me ask you something just to have some fun here. Glenn Beck -- what did he call you? An 'America-basher' and a 'useful idiot.'

ZAKARIA: Yeah, because I corrected his math. He went on a show with his chalkboard and, you know, explained how 10 percent of Muslims are all, are terrorists.

LENO: 9.8. Ten percent!

ZAKARIA: Ten percent, you know. And I just pointed out if you do the math that means there are 157 million terrorists around in the world, and by the State Department's counts there have been only, what, 10,000... you know, 1000 terrorist events. If you assume 100 people involved in planning, it's just the math doesn't make any sense.

So I just think, look, it's the easiest thing to call somebody when you disagree with them an America-basher. I'm an immigrant. I'm not an American by accident of birth as Glenn Beck is. I'm an American by choice. I came to this country.

LENO: (Laughs, applauds)

I can understand why Zakaria would want to respond to Beck's name-calling, and defend himself. That's fair.

However, Zakaria's remarks do serve to diminish those of us blessed to be born in America, as if he has some greater authority because he chose to be an American.

I don't like that argument.

I don't think of myself as "American by accident of birth." I'm just a proud citizen, grateful to be an American. My pride and gratitude are no accident.

Also, Zakaria derides Beck for calling him an "America-basher."

Will Zakaria condemn the protesters in Wisconsin and their comrades around the country for calling Governor Scott Walker Hitler and other hideous names?

Next topic: The Birther controversy.

LENO: You know I like Donald Trump. He's a friend of mine. He's been here. Why... You can't be president if you weren't born here. If it didn't come out before the election, what is this nonsense? Why does this keep going on?

ZAKARIA: Look, I think that some of this -- maybe there are people who feel genuinely worried about this -- I think some of it is being used by politicans as a coded way to talk about race and the fact that he's different from us, whatever that means. I think it's a great shame because first of all, it's unbecoming, it's un-American. Secondly, you know, look at this last census. What does it mean to be different for us? You've got 15 million Hispanic Americans. You've got a country that is increasingly a mixture of minorities. You know, look at us. We all have funny last names. Right? I mean, join the club.

And there's the race card.

I think Trump just wants publicity. He's shrewd. He's knows how to get it. Call Rosie O'Donnell a fat pig and question Obama's birth certificate, whatever it takes to get attention. It's about self-promotion. But that's not the issue. Zakaria is especially offensive when he calls Americans racists and bigots.

This code crap is silly. It's insulting to the majority of Americans who have policy disagreements with Obama and don't approve of the job he's doing as president.

While I'm sure there are some people against Obama because he's half black, most of us against Obama are critical of his policies and values, not his skin color.

This is the 21st century.

Another Leftist hijacks Leno's show. I blame Leno for handing over the controls.