Letterman: Signs You're Hot Top Ten

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE TOO DAMN HOT

10. You were just named People magazine's "sweatiest man alive"

9. For you, business casual means a necktie and underpants

8. You begged Rupert Murdoch to hack into a Dairy Queen

7. You were caught texting photos of your heat rash

6. Your sunburns have sunburns: Kids, remember, Dave says wear sunscreen

5. Your baby daughter's first word: "clammy"

4. Your sweat is sweating -- Kids, remember, Dave says drink plenty of liquids

3. Instead of the maid, you're spending time with the pool boy (Schwarzenegger only)

2. Every now and then your ass sizzles and smells like bacon

1. You sit through a taping of the Late Show just for the air conditioning

Late Show with David Letterman
July 21, 2011

Letterman: Michele Bachmann Top Ten

David Letterman honed his harassment skills on Sarah Palin. Now, he's using them on Michele Bachmann.

That was completely predictable.

Death, taxes, and Letterman demeaning conservative women.

TOP TEN SIGNS THERE'S ALREADY TROUBLE AT MICHELE BACHMANN CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS

10. Staff spends 50% of time researching facts, other 50% explaining to Michele she got the facts wrong

9. Supply room is down to its last industrial-sized bucket of mascara

8. All the "Romney 2012" bumper stickers

7. They're putting a lot of emphasis on campaigning in Canada

6. Latest strategy: X-ray Bachmann's ass to prove it's real

5. The place is crawling with raccoons

4. Already filling out application for "Dancing With the Stars"

3. She's insisting the pilgrims came to this country to escape Queen Latifah

2. Everyone's under the impression the election's in 2013

1. Most commonly heard phrase: "Huh?"

Late Show with David Letterman
June 28, 2011

Video.